sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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