But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
