just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Shame - the story of my life.
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