im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I smell like Dick and happiness
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
