He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
