So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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