haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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