When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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