I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
