One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize