What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
