I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize