i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
