Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
