Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize