I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
