How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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