he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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