Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Soap is not a condiment
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
