If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
