My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
