After last night, I could never be a politician.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
