he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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