you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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