he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
