can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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