I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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