will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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