So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
