Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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