I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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