it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
