you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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