So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
