I wanna bring you to show and tell
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize