When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
