just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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