1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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