Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
wow bdsm is so cute
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