i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
