Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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