Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
