Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
