Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize