Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
