if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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