They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
