Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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