I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize