I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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