he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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