i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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