this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
