He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
