are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
OPIZZABONMYDICK
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
