we have officially lost it.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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