Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
