I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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