Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
