But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
