Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
