my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
