Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
