Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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