I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
one might say we're banned from that church
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
