with your own penis?
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
