so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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