Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
