I want to walk on stilts...naked
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
