am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Houston, we have a squirter
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
