your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
