Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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