This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
