did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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